5th February 2016

Stress About Cupid

“Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.”

Robert Frost

 

Robert Frost packs the stress of Valentine’s Day in one sentence. We all desire to be accepted, acknowledged, loved; well, yes, to be desired. To summarise it roughly: Valentine’s Day Stress for singles is the feeling of not being desired and the stress for couples is to do something wrong and then not to be desired. There we are … back at Mr. Frost. Alright, let’s unroll this predicament …

 

You can love Valentine’s Day or you can hate it.

However you feel about this event, it will make you feel something. This is the result from years and years of society’s brainstorming: We are supposed to be in love and better feel like celebrating it every year once on 14th February. And of course we ought to celebrate this holy day of love in the right way: a tacky card, chocolates, roses (and nothing less), candle light dinner, red dress for the lady and a proper suit for the gent, loads of everything in red and pink and – needless to say – heart-shaped. We take all this and mix it well in our brain with our values, past experiences, our emotions, etc.

 

This is a toxic cocktail causing stress for many of us before and on Valentine’s Day whether we are in a relationship or single.

 

 

Let me mention a few common Valentine’s Day stressors and give you a tip or two how to smile into the face of stress.

 

Common stressors for singles

"Being alone on Valentine's Day."

1. What’s wrong about spending the evening in your favourite sweatpants on the sofa under a warm blanket having some comfort food while watching your favourite movie? Nothing. Exactly. Besides, Valentine’s Day is a Sunday this year and most probably you’ll have to go to work next day anyway.

 

2. Valentine’s Day is about celebrating love and as far as I know this includes family and friends. So, how about

   … having your best friend as your Valentine?

   … inviting a few people for dinner – couples and/or singles?

   … celebrating with your kid(s)? Put some yummy food on the table, pink or red fruit
      juice in wine or champagne glasses, loads of heart shaped sweets and then play
      some parlour games. I swear they will love you back most.

 

3. Join a single party

 

4. Create a facebook site for an anti-Valentine’s Day drink in your favourite bar.

 

"Everyone will get flowers in the office but I."

Time to treat yourself. Go and buy a huge bunch of flowers and put them on your desk; or you could even organise for them to be send to you ;-). At least you will get your favourite flowers on the table this Valentine’s Day.

 

 

"I won’t get a present – again."

 Go and spend your money on yourself. Organise a nice massage, buy the shoes you have been flirting with for weeks already or the season tickets for your favourite football club, get a ticket for the ballet, opera, theatre, etc. I am sure you will think of something.

 

Those last two points very often also apply for couples ;-). And now, some more …

 

Stressors for couples

 

“I will have to organise the perfect day which I will not get right anyway.”

Nothing is perfect and nothing is so important that it has to be perfect. Take some time before Valentine’s Day and decide together with our Valentine how you both would like to celebrate your love. Make a plan who will organise what.

 

"How am I going to get the ideal present and what am I going to do if my Valentine gets me a present which is much more expensive?"

 

Valentine’s Day really is one of those events where only the thought counts and not the size or the price of your present.

 

"Where will I get the right Valentine’s card with the ideal saying in it?"

No need for that. How about a red/pink sheet of paper to write down a few thoughts what you appreciate about your better half? Just express your feelings in your own unique way.

 

"I want to look especially good, sexy, classy; but how … and red is so not my colour."

1. Our partners usually love us for the way we are and not what we wear. We are most loved when we love ourselves, we love ourselves most when we feel comfortable, etc. Hence, wear something you feel comfortable in.

 

2. Red is not your colour? So what? Just forget about red and be pretty in pink ;-) ... or
    blue ... or black  ... or ... 

 

"Everything is so expensive – especially on that day."

1. You don’t have to celebrate love on exactly the 14th February when every place is crowded and offers special menus and drinks at overpriced prices. Just switch your celebrations to the next weekend.

 

 

2. Cook your favourite food together or order in; and have a candle light dinner at home.

 

You want the whole package?

 

In case you really want to celebrate Valentine’s Day with the whole package: red dresses, smoking, red and pinks hearts everywhere, etc. Go for it and enjoy it. To avoid unnecessary stress get everyone involved and let them help you.

 

Whatever you do or don’t want to do on Valentine’s Day, you should feel good about it. Don’t feel bad because of what others might think of you and your Valentine’s Day plans – or not. If you do something only for your sweetheart that’s alright as long as you are still okay with it.

 

After all the above you are still stressed while thinking of Valentine’s Day?

You are most probably overthinking it and make it bigger than it really is.

 

Take a deep breath in and out. Now, ask yourself how important Valentine’s Day really is in relation to everything else in the world. Also, remember there are many singles in the world; and you are never really alone. For the couples: Valentine’s Day is not the only day in your relationship there are more to come.

 

My hubby and I usually organised dinner parties for some friends and neighbours. We have recently moved into another part of the country and don’t know many people very well here, yet. Hence, we will cook together and enjoy a nice evening at home – most probably in our pyjamas.

 

Now, I am curious. How are you going to spend Valentine’s Day? I am interested in everything, even if you think it’s boring. Please share your plans with us under “comments”.

 

Never forget, you are all special and the most valuable gift you have is you yourself – and no one can take this from you.

 

Enjoy life as much as you can, just be happy and be well,

 

Sibylle

 

 

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Disclaimer

Everything provided in this blog article is for informational and/or educational rposes only. It is supposed to make you think. What you do, and how, and what you don’t do is your decision only.

 

The given content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical, psychological and/or legal advice, diagnosis, treatment or consulting. Please consult your physician, therapist, lawyer, financial or other consultant regarding the applicability of any opinions or recommendations with respect to your concerns, symptoms and/or medical condition.

 

The content is allowed to use for private purpose only. Please do not copy and or use it for business purposes and/or publishing.

 

 

 

© sibylle chaudhuri | coaching & training

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sibylle chaudhuri
coaching & training

Ratingen / Duesseldorf
info@sibylle-chaudhuri.com
www.sibylle-chaudhuri.com
Tel.: +49 (0)172 649 49 26