sibylle chaudhuri | coaching & training
Systemic and NLP Coach
Newsletter - January 2012
Apologies for not sending a newsletter in November and December last year. My website host changed so many things and in the end it was more complicated and took longer than they thought. However, new year, new luck and I am back :-).
I wish you a happy, healthy and content 2012 – in balance and with the necessary success. Also, there was the Chinese New Year’s celebration last Monday and we are entering the Year of the Black Dragon. Sounds like good luck, exiting and somehow mystical to me.
2012 is a leap year and a year with 13 full moons, which is meant to give it a special energy.
However, let’s come to the more important things in life ;-).
“Let everyone do what they understand best.”
Marcus Tullius Cicero
The most different people show us every day how easy it is to be successful in what we do for a living while having fun.
If that is true, how is it possible that so many of us struggle with their daily tasks, agonising about their work, still longing for the long-awaited success?
Many “higher sources” are sending us the message that we can be successful with literally anything if we just try hard enough, work hard enough, put in the necessary hours, when we just do it right – THEN happiness will follow.
Consequently, many of us break their backs unavailingly and become more and more discontent. We are frustrated and demotivated. We wonder why we are incessantly tired and hopelessly overstrained. We constantly run on adrenalin and are extremely stressed out, having no fun in our lives.
Does this mean we are doing something wrong? Does it mean we do not try hard enough, do not put in long enough hours, we are not tough enough? Or does it mean we are grumpy losers not knowing how to have fun?
From childhood we have learned doing something well, the way Mom and Dad expect us to do it, we get attention, affection and love. Doing “it” wrongly, being a bad girl/boy, not fulfilling Mom’s and Dad’s expectations we will be punished. We’ll be ignored, “they” will deprive us of “their” love, deny us what we like. This is a recurrent theme in our lives – praise and/or blame and punishment. In school and later at our workplace the focus will be even more on our weaknesses and how to improve/fix us, instead of concentrating on our strengths and bringing them forward.
Very often in our life we even do not get our “well-deserved” attention after doing something right because that is just normal and how it should be. On the other hand we can be sure of blame and punishment after doing “it” wrongly or messing something up.
We are all only human after all. We are all longing for attention, affection and love of others – like bees round a honey pot. Consequently, we start acting more and more like others want to see us and according to their expectations. We bend ourselves and pretend being what we are not. We do not act authentically and we are not authentic anymore. We are not our true self anymore. We do not allow us to just be. We have no fun anymore and are completely stressed out.
Or, in case you are the revolutionary type, you are so busy NOT doing what others expect from you – even if it was the right thing for you to do – that again you distance yourself from your true self and start flirting more and more with stress.
Subsequently, we do not do what we like doing and what interests us. We do not follow our talents and strengths. We do not follow our heart and our passion. We do not do what we are good at. Hence, we are not successful. How could we?
Very often only making the smallest decisions is just too difficult for us because we do not know how to listen to our gut feeling and our heart, anymore. We do not know what we want, anymore.
Burnout is not only a result of external circumstances we think we cannot change and/or influence. Burnout starts with us, what we allow us to do and what not; what we inflict on ourselves.
We can start taking small Steps to find ourselves again; for example by doing the following easy to do exercise.
You can ask someone to guide you through the exercise once or if you prefer to do it on your own: read 1-5 and start doing it; then read 6-8 and complete the exercise.
1. Sit down where you have some peace and quiet.
2. Think of something you really do NOT like doing.
3. Close your eyes and imagine you are ought to do it NOW.
4. Notice what emotions are coming up and if and where in your body you start to have a certain feeling. Maybe it is feeling slightly angry and a knot in your stomach?
5. Stand up and shake your arms and legs, maybe you want to blow a raspberry ;-).
6. Sit down again and think of something you really LIKE doing.
7. Close your eyes and imagine you are allowed to do it NOW.
8. Again, notice what emotions are coming up and if and where in your body you start to have a certain feeling. This time maybe it is feeling happy and your hands or feet start itching?
Try doing the exercise regularly to get used to your real emotions and feelings again. Those can help you to make future decisions regarding your profession and help you deciding what is good for you and what not.
This does not imply that we never ever need to do your washing again or never clean your flat again. And it does not mean that we can be rude to others whenever we loose our patience or do not feel well. Some things in life have to be done and sometimes we have to abide by some general rules.
It is about finding our true self, again and to walk along the right paths; doing the right things or doing things right, again ;-). Follow your talents, your strengths and passion. Follow your heart. Do it and you will experience more fun and less stress in your life, again.
Please feel free to forward this tip to family, friends and colleagues.
Have you already read my monthly quotation for January and my short excursion?
I wish you good luck in finding your true self again and balancing your life yet a little more.
coaching & training
Systemic and NLP Coach
Follow me on Twitter
Everything provided in this newsletter is for informational and/or educational purposes only. It is supposed to make you think. What you do and what not is your decision only.
The given content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical, psychological and/or legal advice, diagnosis, treatment or consulting. Please consult your physician, therapist, lawyer regarding the applicability of any opinions or recommendations with respect to your concerns, symptoms and/or medical condition.
The content is allowed to use for private purpose only. Please do not copy and or use it for business purposes and/or publishing.
© sibylle chaudhuri | coaching & training