sibylle chaudhuri | coaching & training
Systemic and NLP Coach
Newsletter - February 2011
Valentine's Day for Love?
"We are told that people stay in love because of chemistry, or because they remain intrigued with each other, because of many kindnesses, because of luck. But
part of it has got to be forgiveness and gratefulness."
Two weeks ago I was discussing love and, yes, Valentine's day over a cup of coffee with a friend.
The topic came up when she asked me, what our (my husband's and I) plans for Valentine's Day were, and what I got him as a present. When I told her that we had no plans whatsoever and we never give each other presents for Valentine's Day she looked at me saucer-eyed and asked with an outcry, "What do you mean, you don't celebrate Valentine's Day?".
I explained to her that we think of Valentine's Day as just another commercial hoopla to let cash registers ring. I also told her about our philosophy how important we find was for us to show our love, affection and respect with each other on a daily basis.
I asked her, "Isn't it much more fun to bring little surprises e.g. flowers, chocolate, a bottle of Champagne or other nice stuff you can enjoy together, when your partner least expects it? And how exciting is it to get a love letter or postcard from your partner on any day of the year but Valentine's Day?"
All of a sudden her eyes got tearful and she complained, "You can talk, you have such a good relationship with your husband, it really looks like hardly anything has changed between the two of you since you married." After that she started listing all the negative sides of her husband to me and how he does not treat her right.
I asked her why she fell in love with her husband in the first place. She sat silent for a few minutes before she started telling me many things she loves about him while her face was lighting up.
Then I asked her if she not also loved his little idiosyncrasies at the beginning which she now condemns so harshly. I also asked her whether she could forgive him his little quirks and concentrate on all his good traits and what she is grateful for about him. She did not say more but was all smiles. Next she jumped up, giving me a kiss on my cheek, and as she was running out she called back saying, "Sorry, I have to go and buy a greeting card and a non-Valentine's Day present for my Luv."
The moral of the story is that when we meet our partners and are head over heels in love we only see the good in our partners. In addition we see everything through rose-coloured glasses making us more tolerant and forgiving. Over time we start focussing more and more on the negative sides of our partners and what we don't like about them. We fall in love with our partner for the way they are and who they are; and a little while later we want to change them? This is not only applicable for our life partners but for all our relationships. We are much more forgiving and tolerant at the beginning ... Don't you agree with me that that does actually not make any sense at all?
Please try the following today and if you wish more often or every day from now on:
1. Take a few deep breaths in through your nose into your belly and out through your mouth.
2. Go back in time try to remember as many things as possible why you fell in love with your partner, or in case of any other relationship why you liked being around them so much, and write them down.
3. Write down everything that comes into your mind why you are grateful for your partner/friends.
4. Think of at least 3 things you love doing with your partner/friends.
5. Think of at least 3 things you can treat your partner/friends with.
6. Now, go and do something nice with/for them.
Whether you share my opinion about Valentine's Day or not, why don't you just use it this year as a nice start to pamper your partner and friends more often, surprise them with something nice and enjoy every single moment with them.
Have you already read my monthly quotation for February and my short excursion?
Please feel free to forward this e-mail to family, friends and colleagues. This is a monthly newsletter.
Have a wonderful time until next month.
Be well, be balanced, be in love ;-),
coaching & training
Systemic and NLP Coach
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