Valentine Me!

Sibylle Chaudhuri

3rd February 2020


Image by Jill Wellington from Pixabay
Image by Jill Wellington from Pixabay

Valentine’s day!?!?!?


“Who am I going to celebrate with – who is going to be my Valentine? What do I give as a present? What do they like? What is enough? What is too much? What if they will not like it? Do I need to send a card as well?

How will we celebrate? Where are we going to celebrate? God forbid I am going to be alone!!!!! What does it tell about me?

So much pressure, so much stress. I just wish it was over already.”


Some or all of these thoughts might cross your mind when thinking about the upcoming event. Well, no worries, it is only human, and you are not alone.


My question for you today would be – and please think about it and do not answer it lightly – take a few seconds before you answer it:



With whom is your most important relationship in life?

Image by Robin Higgins from Pixabay
Image by Robin Higgins from Pixabay



Did you give it some thought?


I know it already. I do have a crystal ball after all J.


Now, who is your Ace of Hearts?


The most important relationship in life is with yourself.

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

When we accept, respect and love ourselves the way we are at any given moment, will our relationships be harmonious and effortless. Only when we love ourselves unconditionally, can we truly love others.


When we love ourselves, are we in good contact with our heart, our gut feeling our inner guidance, our highest self – call it whatever you want. That’s when you can start following your own path. That’s usually the moment when everything starts falling into place, when we begin to have effortless success, when suddenly possibilities arise, we wouldn’t have dreamed of bevor, when we get to meet the right people, etc.


When we love ourselves, we know we deserve our own empathy, our own compassion. We readily acknowledge our emotions, can easily understand their message and know the underlying needs that want to be fulfilled.


Loving ourselves we are authentic, we are positive, we are balanced, content, healthier, happier, you name it.


Self-love is living a fulfilled life.

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

To say it in the words of Whitney Houston:

I never found anyone who fulfill my needs

A lonely place to be

And so I learned to depend on me

I decided long ago

Never to walk in anyone's shadows

If I fail, if I succeed

At least I'll live as I believe

No matter what they take from me

They can't take away my dignityBecause the greatest 

Love of all is happening to me

I found the greatest 

Love of all inside of me

The greatest love of all

Is easy to achieve

Learning to love yourself

It is the greatest love of all.”


Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Linda Creed / Michael Masser

Greatest Love of All lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC


I call self-love the supreme discipline. Self-love does not mean being selfish; it has nothing to do with egoism or narcissism. Loving ourselves we are more inclined to be compassionate and empathic with others. Loving ourselves does not mean, we do not want to improve or develop ourselves anymore.


Quite the contrary!



What is self-love?

Image by John Hain from Pixabay
Image by John Hain from Pixabay

Self-love is nothing we can gain by buying another pair of shoes, we cannot find it in a beauty spa or through cosmetic surgery. Being loved by others will not present us with more self-love – although it does give us a really good feeling J. Self-love is nothing we can find on the outside.


Self-love is a series of activities to balance our body, mind and soul. Hence, self-love is all and only about self-development and growth – physically, psychologically and spiritually.



What to do?

You might have guessed some hints in this blog already. Self-love is about getting to know yourself better, to be aware of your thoughts and feelings – physically (feelings) and psychologically (emotions). It also means to be aware of our needs and to fulfill them; as long as it is for our own good and we do not harm others.


Be nice to and forgiving with yourself. Know what you want and what is good for you. Learn to say ‘No’ and to set boundaries, have your own back, etc. There are many different activities supporting your physical, psychological and spiritual growth.


Why don’t you start by being your very own and most loved Valentine this year? Be with yourself and enjoy the me-time.


Images by silviarita / Thought Catalog / Alexas Fotos from Pixabay

You could …

  • … spend the evening trying to meditate.
  • … make a list of your strength and talents.
  • … get in front of the mirror, look 30 seconds into your own eyes and then tell yourself in the mirror, “I am that I am. I deserve my own respect, my friendship and love.”
  • … enjoy a nice dinner alone. Eat it in a mindful way. Sit at the table and only concentrate on your food. Light a candle. If you want to listen to some music, chose calm and soothing sounds. Arrange your plate lovingly, we eat with all our senses. Breathe in all the flavors of your food and be grateful for this meal. Chew every bite carefully and try to taste all the various ingredients, and thoroughly enjoy it.
  • … or … you could start your self-love in a more gentle way and make yourself comfortable, light some candles, listen to some calming music, have a cup of tea or a glass of white, red or sparkling wine, whatever is to your liking. Take a journal, a dairy or just a nice sheet of paper and start writing what you are good at, what you like doing and why, what you are grateful for in life, what good things happened to you in life, already, what good things would you like to happen to you in the future, who do you like having in your life, etc. Make it a purely positive entry. And then go and do some daydreaming.


Learn to take good care of yourself.


Spending time with yourself might feel strange and unfamiliar at the beginning. It might even be difficult because we are not used to enjoy ourselves, to spend time in our own company. We are so used to distract and/or numb ourselves with television, social media and other activities. Silence or being on our own can be frightening. Give it a try, give it a chance, and I promise you, it will get better every time, up until to the point that you will enjoy spending time with yourself.


Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate love, this includes everyone you love, not only your partner, but also friends, family and of course yourself. Yes, I know, your pets are naturally part of this as well ;-), they are part of the family after all. It does not matter whether you are actually in an intimate relationship or not, you can celebrate with everyone you love, it’s okay, whatever society might think, or commercials want us to believe.


Whatever your plans for Valentine’s Day may be. Whether you spend it in your own company or with your partner, with friends or family, or with your cat, do not stress over it, do whatever you want to do. Do not put yourself under pressure, discuss your plans with the person you want to be with. Take the stress out of the event by telling your Valentine what your wishes and expectations are, what you can and want to do and what you not. Also, ask them what they expect and what their wishes are; listen carefully. Find a way that everyone can enjoy Valentine’s Day.


Happy Valentine’s Day to all of you and be well.






inner works for you


sibylle chaudhuri | coaching & training



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Everything provided in this newsletter is for informational, motivational and/or educational purposes only. Whether you change/do something in your life is your decision and yours only. You carry responsibility for your life.


The given content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical, psychological and/or legal advice, diagnosis, treatment or consulting. Please consult your physician, therapist, lawyer regarding the applicability of any opinions or recommendations with respect to your concerns, symptoms and/or medical condition.



© sibylle chaudhuri | coaching & training




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sibylle chaudhuri

inner works for you
coaching & training

Ratingen / Duesseldorf

fon +49 (0)172 649 49 26